If there was one thing that Samantha knew about life, it was that it
could be a cruel bitch sometimes. Under different circumstances that positive
wouldn't have been so heartbreaking. It wasn't so much that she
didn't want children, because she did.. but certainly not under
those circumstances, and definitely not with him. It was a cruel
reminder of what she lost before; karma being a bitch. Had she not
been so stubborn years before, this wouldn't be happening
to her right now; Life would have been damn near perfect.. married,
her son or daughter running around. She missed what her life could
have been like. Instead, here she was.. sitting in her bathroom,
staring at that positive that she desperately didn't want, and
hoping it would fade away.
Nothing was ever that simple, though. She made her bed and now she had to lay in it. Pushing her hair out of her face, she let out a deep breath, looking down at the ground. "Just what did you do..?" She knew exactly what she did, she even knew exactly why she did it, but she was having a very hard time accepting that was what her life had become. Since the end of her relationship, and the loss of her child, she knew she was sabotaging any chances she had of actually being happy. She refused to let herself be in any relationship, and the times she'd been involved with anyone, she knew they'd never go anywhere; She still blamed herself for what happened, and she was not letting herself forget it anytime soon.
"I'm sorry.." She almost whispered. She wasn't speaking to anyone, but at the same time she knew that apology was directed at her ex fiance, and the child she put a death sentence on when she continued with her job in the NYPD so many years ago. Deep down she knew she should have listened, and she especially knew she should have never walked into that call. As morbid as it was of her, for a very long time she'd hoped she'd died with her baby that night. Life had other plans, and in her eyes the only reason she'd lived was so she could pay for her actions.
And now there she was, paying for them. Granted, a pregnancy wasn't punishment, but the memories that came with it, and the struggles that would come with it certainly were. Pushing herself off the tub where she was sitting, she tossed the pregnancy test to the side, watching as it broke into pieces. 'If only it was that easy..' She'd thought to herself as she leaned over the toilet, knowing she was going to be sick. That horrible feeling at the pit of her stomach was going nowhere, and she knew it was only going to get worse.
How was she going to tell Nick that their random hookups had let to a pregnancy? How was he going to deal with the fact that a woman he didn't even like was carrying his child? How was she going to deal with it herself?